Tired of hearing your vegan friends bang on about “saving the planet”, “saving the animals”, “lowering risks of certain diseases”, blah blah blah?
Wanna take ’em down a peg or two?
Here are some tried and tested tips for trolling those bunny hugging leftos.
How to Effectively Troll a Vegan
1) Fool Them Into Thinking You Wanna Go Vegan
Ask for plenty of tips, then post a pic of Eggs Benny on your Insta #datcholesterollife
2) Invite Them For Supper
As they walk through the door, announce “So everything’s vegan, I only used a little bit of butter” and proudly point out all the gluten free labelling
3) Get Super Pissed About Animal Cruelty
Share some footage of someone kicking a dog and express how awful it is that someone could do that. Then open a tub of your fave iced bovine fluid and continue searching Groupon for SeaWorld promos.
4) Sit Next To Them In A Restaurant
Squeeze up close when you go out to eat, and when your meal arrives, tell them how sorry you are that they’re missing out on that big juicy steak. “Go on, one bite, I won’t tell!”
5) Recoil At Their Disgusting Food
Remind them that no one wants food with weird plant ingredients, then proceed to munch on all of their vegan snacks. Don’t forget to fish out the remaining crumbs before you scoff at how it’s ‘not like the real thing though’, and you quite like ground up pig anus in your hot dogs.
6) Call Them Out On Their Bad Behaviour
Tell them how preachy and aggressive they are when they respond to you asking why they’re vegan, then learn to effectively dodge truth bombs by saying “yeah but I like meat”
7) Confuse Them With Conflicting Morals
Post pictures of cute pigs on social media and then instantly share a Jamie Oliver holiday ham recipe
8) Flat Out Ignore Any ‘Nutritional Advice’
Openly complain about your various ailments but refute any nutritional evidence stating a plant based diet can help. As if quitting dairy can clear your skin and carbs can help you lose weight, LOL
9) Frequently Share Daily Mail Articles Like Gospel
But ALWAYS question the credibility of peer reviewed scientific journals
10) Demand Rock Solid Evidence
But don’t give any in return! Tar all vegan doctors as quacks and don’t even bother reading the studies. Total waste of time
